Noob Mercs (Player corporation)
In March 2008 The Noob Mercs (PHAIL) corporation was founded by the Nubbin King, an alt of DJ FunkyBacon of Eve Radio. Having hosted a series of suicide fleet ops with live narration on his radio show the idea was tried and tested and very popular with his audience. Listeners were thrilled at listening to crazed newbs in frigates throwing themselves at bigger targets.
FunkyBacon turned the event into a full fledged mercenary corp based on cheap and wreckless ships to wear down heavier ships or die for the fun of it. People that had never fought in Eve before were introduced to a world they had only heard about, without any of the commitments or political attachments of more serious establishments.
The early days
In its founding week the corp's member count exploded and it quickly measured in the hundreds, exceeding prior expectations. The mission statement was simple, but important: Take a newb and desensitize him to PvP and ship loss.
The first contract would also come to be the most memorable one. During the show The Fallout Project (HALO) chose to meet PHAIL's T1 frig blob with a frig blob of their own. The result was a climatic lagfest favouring the Noobs who outnumbered their brave opponents. The video of that engagement can be found here. The war itself ended with PHAIL killing 145 of HALO, while suffering a staggering 673 losses themselves. Due to the vast difference in weapons of war though, the total loss for PHAIL was 2billion ISK while HALO suffered 2.5billion.
While the active member base outside of Thursdays was low, the entertainment value of the live ops was quality comedy, involving strung out FC's cat-herding the zerg through perils such as disco battleships and Concord intrusions, all the while trying to lose as few members as possible to distractions such as NPC pirates and Veldspar astroids.
With the coming of FW, the Noobs who'd like to try the new content founded two new sister corporations. These were aptly named Federal Noob Mercs and Imperial Noob Mercs. The divide caused the original corp a significant member loss as it splintered. While the activity with all three corps dropped as the novelty of FW wore off, long time member Texass97 kept the original Noob Mercs going through the ravaging effect of the expansion. The Imperial branch is quiet these days, but the Federals are going strong and making a name for themselves under the lead of LuckyPunch.
After Eve Radio
Veterans of the Noob Mercs still keep the corp alive to this day, but it's not featured on Eve Radio any longer. These days the Noobs can be seen flying heavier ships than before. Thanks to hardened members the corp's overall firepower, tactical skill and life expectancy has been greatly increased.
PHAIL based itself on a revolving door policy and not taking part of any politics. Anyone could come and go as they please, even if only to partake in the Thursday Live Ops. Jokingly it was often assumed that spys where everywhere, but there couldn't possible be any intell to pick up on. This was particularly true as the only voice comms used by the corp where the orders relayed on Eve Radio, which anyone could listen to.
Excerpt from thread by DJ FunkyBacon:
Current day recruitment
PHAIL don't spam recruit like during the show, but newbies, carebears and everyone else interested are still encouraged to take contact for the sake of a joining a carefree PvP enviroment. Along with an introduction to fleet combat you'll also have seasoned PvPers at your disposal for help and advice. Members are encouraged to fly cheap and replacable, but there's a program in place to make sure everyone has something to fly.
There are Noob Mercs offices at
For who without, PHAIL would not be the WIN it is today. He kept the corp alive through its toughest time, when Faction Wars split its members.
For his vision and godlike gift of humour. We owe him hours upon hours of actionfilled entertainment. Without him there would be no Noob Mercs.
For his outstanding outside support with free ships and mods to keep the wheels turning when the Noob Mercs were at their highest rate of consumption.
The first incident was at U-QVWD by the hands of Von Zarovick of the alliance Against ALL Authorities on the 8th of May 2008. It was a Thursday Op live on air, and PHAIL were passing through AAA's space when their frigatte blob came across a single AAA member. As expected total chaos ensues as some Noobs blissfully unaware align to the next gate, others start jetisoning cans with comedy names, some are fallen behind at the previous gate and others gun for AAA's bait. A few seconds later an Avatar enters the system to the collective gasp of the Noobs. At the end of the day 93 PHAIL ships and pods were destroyed for a total of 519m ISK. Reference
The second time was also live on the show, only two weeks later, at the 22nd of May 2008 at the hands of the Goonswarm alliance. PHAIL had been hired on behalf of the Eve Community to hit the Goons, and promptly flew to one of their systems where the locals were informed that the system was now confiscated by the Nubbin King. The Goons, mildly amused, responded by deploying an Erebus piloted by Omega. Even after the assault though, some Noobs still remained to launch Ibis raids from the nearby station. When the dust settled 137 ship and pods were lost by PHAIL at a cost of 538mill ISK. Reference
A couple members of the Noob Mercs crashed a Eve Radio Lemming Leap event by waiting in cruisers at one of their destination systems. Expecting jokes and laughs as Lemmings died to Noobs, they found that the DJs leading the rookie ship fleet were not amused. Significant free industrial support was lost that day, but in turn it contributed to the rise of much needed guidelines to keep the ever growing swarm of Noobs under control.
The butcher's bill
Between March 1st 2008 to Octobor 10th 2008 the Noob Mercs scored 2098 kills and 5989 losses. 321 (5%) of those losses were by the member Jonyis II making him the most accident-prone Noob by a huge margin. The total damage done to the Eve community were 95billion ISK, while PHAILs loss were half of that, at 44billion ISK. Reference
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